Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Spot Makes the Trip to the Rainbow Bridge
Funny how an average good, happy day can suddenly change direction. I mean it was still a good day, but it has ended very sadly.
While I'm shocked, I can't say I'm surprised. I always knew in my heart that Spot wasn't going to be the dog to last into old age years. Health issues were never in his favor and as a puppy mill dog, life started off rough and while his spirit was amazingly strong and forgiving, his body just wasn't built to perfection.
Ah, the stories I could share about that boy. My favorite (and I mean no disrespect to anyone) is that I always said if he were a human, he'd have been a personal shopper. Seriously, I'm certain that boy was overly in touch with his feminine side and I LOVED that about him! I loved that he went to the beat of a different drummer, was thrilled with that direction and completely comfortable with it. I also said if he were a human, he'd bring me flowers every day - just because.
But now I find myself at a loss without my Spottie-boy and honestly, I wouldn't have picked today to say good-bye. I would have picked a date far, far into the future because I want to be selfish and I still want MY Spottie here with me. Unfortunately, that's just not how reality and life works.
I can't help but wonder why things have to change. I mean today I was happy with exactly the way things were and then without notice or warning, they changed without my permission. Now I'm an endless fountain of tears, snot and glowing eyes from crying. Think about it, if our entire lives are about being in pursuit of the ultimate happiness, why is it that when we achieve it, that things change? I mean why is it that we can't freeze things and just stay in that moment forever?
I realize these are the ramblings of a woman feeling the emotions of a loss, but there is also a bit of clarity that comes at times like this too. That clarity is that no matter how hard we may try to control things, we're really left to the mercy of 'Whatever Blows In Our Direction'. And just so you know, it doesn't have the courtesy of scheduling itself ahead of time in our date book!
So, I'm left with reality, which is that tomorrow I'll wake up and Spot will be physically missing from life. The reminder will come immediately as the morning ritual included him jumping up and laying next to me as I woke up. On a normal day I'd pet, hug and talk to him and he'd share small little kisses with me (he never kissed anyone else). Tomorrow when that moment comes, Spot won't come when I call his name and I'll remember that he's gone...besides feeling the loss, I know I'll think "But I wasn't ready to let him go..." After all, are we ever ready?
In the end, I know we were so very lucky to have each other. Spotty, I will ALWAYS love you. Thank you for everything and God speed my sweet, sweet boy.